I feel very removed from the things I want in my life.
I started in Sainsburys because I wanted a part-t
ime job to get some money which I was doing my PGCE (Which is going very well btw, I will elaborate below). But now I'm finding it's taking up far too much of my time and emotional energy. Because my store isn't open yet I'm being thrown all over the place, training here there and everywhere. They are sending me to Bridgend on tuesday - I have never driven there and it is the same day I teach GCSE English as an evening class. I'm going to be shattered. The thing that is not my priority is taking over and damaging the thing that is most definitely top of my list.
This displeases me.
The PGCE is excellent! Very interesting. Teaching this GCSE class is going to be such an eye-opener. They are doing Under Milk Wood, which I had not read before but I am enjoying quite a lot.
It's going to be hard though. Especially with work putting the pressure on. I've not written a thing since I left Uni. I'm just fried. I can't carry on like this for much longer. Something's got to give.
I went along to my first GCSE English class yesterday. I'll be teaching the rabble that sat before me by about late oct, so not long really. :S
They are going to be doing 'Under Milk Wood' which has made me very happy.
I can't believe how much I was itching when I was sat 'observing' the class. I felt such an urge to say something. Help the ones having difficulties. I never realised it would feel like that. I felt like a teacher. It was strange how I seemed to change the way I was acting just because I'm going to be on the other side of the desk.
I can't wait to get my teeth stuck in.
The problem is, this has really excited me. So much so that Saiaburys seems so mundain in contrast. It just reinforces that it is most definately not where I want to be.
But the way things are at the moment I should be greatful I have a job. Is it so bad that I'm not?
Here I am, making a boob of myself in a silly hat. I managed to get through the entire thing without falling over or indecently exposing myself. I spent 3 hours convinced a fly was buzzing around my head and pulling m shirt down because the hood kept pulling it up.
BUT the rain held off, everyone was smiling and I am now a Graduate! :)
Got rather drunk at a wonderful BBQ last night to celebrate. Feeling kinda good it's all over and I don't have the stress but sad at the same time because it has been such a big part of my life for the last 3 years. Can't wait to make a tit of myself in a Harry Potter costume in one months time. Must go and order it.... silly hat and all....
...It's off to work I go. First week of my new job over with. I am a Merchandising Controller :) Head shelf-stacker basicly. I organise where the wonderful high quality and resonably priced products go on the shelf according to a plan sent down by the mystical on-high 'head-office'. It is really good actually. It's only part time but it pays well and has a certain amount of responsibility which on one hand may put undue pressure on me - but on the other hand makes it far more interesting, challenging and bareable than sitting on a till for 8 hours a day bleeping my life away.
Anyway. So, now thats sorted I can stop worrying about money in the long term and get on with organising my up-coming education in the world of teaching. Spiffing.
Busy day tommorow...... I have to go to Uni to collect my results. :s I'm not worried about passing.... I'm reasonably confident I have at least a 2:1. I'm just quietly dying for a first. We shall see. All fingers crossed, and toes and arms and legs and any other extremities you care to cross.
You know when you feel the world is passing you by - whissing on about you and all the people in your life are moving on and your not. Even though I have a new job and it does seem to be something I could hang onto for a while, even though I have a degree behind me and possibly a PGCE infront --- I still feel like I'm going nowhere. Definately not in a writing way.
Did I just waste 3 years of my life doing something that I'm actually not that good at? Not good enough to make anything of myself anyway. I think it's because in getting to know the other people on my course I've got to know my potencial competitors. Comparing yourself to others never has a good outcome does it? I dunno. I'm just feeling a bit stagnant. Uninspired. Board. Crap with a capital.
Ok - Quagmire busting suggestions please. Writing related. Lets get this show on the road.
I think I'll start with flash fiction and poetry. Get some sort of juices going - even if they are naff, out of practice juices. Or I may just go for it and start a novel. What have I got to loose? Apart from time? and effort? Shush Leah!
Gosh this is a good form of therapy.
I'm going to write something tonight people. yes. I am. I'll let you know what happens. lol
Has happened in the last few weeks. I have finnished Uni and await my results. eeeeek. I have aquired employment in the form of Sainsbury's (I start tomorrow) And Dilly the beautiful Red-Eyed Crocodile skink laid an egg! (no baby inside but it shows she is of age, which is great!)
My better half had an accident on his motorbike about 8 weeks ago and broke his arm (2 4x4's pulled out on him then drove off.... *shakes fist*) and he is very happy to have had his cast off finally. :)
While all this has been going on I have realised something which is blindingly obvious but passed my attention for too long. I haven't made time to write. *slaps wrist* I haven't written a thing since finishing my Dissertation which was over 6 weeks ago. FAIL.
So, as it seems to be the month of possitive thinking, new beginnings and such, I hearby promise to make time to write. With no agenda - I'm not going to put pressure on myself by writing for a purpose just yet, but I've been set free into the world. I can write anyting- about anything. I just want to sit back and see what happens first.
I am dissapointed the BNP got into the European Parliament. After having an unofficial tour there last year, I got to see what most visitors don't and I came to understand the importance of our representatives in Brussels. Seems the expenses shambles hit Labour harder than they expected. Feels like this country is falling apart at the seams.
Anyway, to end on a high note, I was inspired by my good friend Zaraface to join Weightwatchers. I'm half a stone lighter and feeling great for it! :)
At the beginning of this year I wrote in my journal (for one of my classes) about how I felt like I was standing at the top of a cliff looking down. Peering through the layer of fog at what could be below. I felt like I was getting ready to jump and wondering if at the bottom there would be a lovely pile of paper-backs to catch me or would I get torn apart by the jagged rocks of procrastination and self doubt. I got over it and finished my degree. You all know I'm a worrier by now and to be honest I never thought I could do it really. Now it's all over, I stand at the bottom waiting for a certificate to fall gently down from above, I look out at the horison and see how the ground falls away into an expance of cliff tops with even thicker layers of fog blinding me to my fate below. It will never end will it? If I want more from my life it will never end... I will always be staring down into plumes of mist and fog wondering what's next.
Dissertation all handed in! Poetry all handed in! Everything pretty much done - bar one presentation about The Mabinogion. So, it's all change soon. I got on a part time PGCE in Ystrad Mynach college so I can work alongside it. I'm currently trying to organise my teaching hours for it and it seems to be going ok. So I'm looking for a job over the summer - which may be very hard given our current economic status. but never mind.
So, now I have a bank of work from the past year I'm going to try and out it to good use and I hope that now I don't have the academic insentive to write - I hope I'll have my own motivation for a change. I hope. anyway, it was just a quick update to say I'm back. Also - i'm a proper gardener now - look at my nails! :O
Also - I made uber yorkshires!!
And our little skinks have been getting cosy.... :)
I'll write something far more structured and interesting soon. love to all. Lx
It's due is three weeks. yes, three weeks. So, I wont be around for a while. I really have to nuckle down and get my arse into gear (as mother would say) Along with Diss I have another writing project due and my independent study into poetry. So, for the next three weeks I'm living and breathing Writing. I'm pooping myself. I know what I have to do it's just having the will power to do it without being destracted by blogger or facebook or the Boyf or cake or the garden.
So, see you in three or four weeks when I shall be posting about how I really got down to it and pulled it out of the bag and handed it all in three days early. pffffft!
Just thought I would tell the world that there may be light at the end of the tunnel. Just got a letter saying I have an interview with Ystrad Mynach College for a PGCE course that I was rejected in Newport Uni. Its the same course! Run by newport Uni, in a smaller college. Now how does that make sense? anyway, I just have to knock them (proverbially) dead at the interview.
happy happy Leah... :)
p.s. my birthday on friday....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Here is the garden post I promised. Mam and Dad decided to get some landscapers in and rip up some of the flagstones out front and have a new fence. I should have taken a before and after picture but I didn't get the camera out in time so here is a 'during' picture.
I've kind of caught the bug this year and decided to plant Carrots, Leeks, Lettuce, Parsnips, a Cherry tree, a Blueberry bush, Honeysuckle, Sweet Peas and thats about it so far. Oh and some radom flowers I cant remember the name of.
I bought a seed shelving unit thing with a plastic cover because I tried to grow some flowers form seed last year in the shed and it was a disaster. But the plastic frame thing seems to be working see below...lettuce
I'm rather pleased at how well they are doing. I also planted the Cherry tree a while ago and it's opened out quite nicely. But i think the blueberry bush has suffered some frost damage. Any tips anyone has would be greatly appreciated as I'm a nooooob.
Sorry all....I kind of dropped off the face of the blogsphere then didn't I? I do apologise. I've been rather snowed under and not coping all too well. but I'm not going to dwell on such things.
I had a rather good mark for my critcal essay on Jermey Dronfield's 'Alchemists Apprentice' - I'm super pleased. (2 marks off a sodding 1st mind you, grrrrrrr)
I need 6,000 words for my Dissertation and 4,000 for my other class and rather a lot of poems. I'm healthily worried but not panicking yet. I have a cunning plan! Baldrick styleee. Not really, it's a workload plan consisting of Day and wordcount. lol.
It's my birthday next week so I'm taking a week off worrying. I'll do some work if I feel like it but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't do anything productive.
I'll have a more interesting post soon. It may be garden related. :)
Today I licked the lid for the first time - purely on impulse. It was Cherry and fat free and oh so nice. I've been very stressed about a presentation I have to give on wednesday about Celtic Myths and in that moment of cherry heaven I forgot about it.
Today I also planted a cherry tree in a pot and put it in a sunny sheltered place, I drank ooooodles of luchee juice and watched Heroes. Today was a good day. Lx
As a creative writing student in my last year, I and my fellow budding scribblers have so many hopes, dreams, fears and ultimately a whole bucket full of questions as we look out onto the daunting world of professional writing.
First of all, Courtesy of Miss Woo: Why do you write? I write because it helps me to pay attention.
Did you always know writing was for you? I always knew that words were for me – I’ve always loved books. I didn’t start writing until I was about 20.
As new writers a lot of us tend to draw on personal experience and a great deal of what students write seems to be 'creative' non-fiction or fiction based around situations, locations and characters we know in real life. Did you also do this at first? I wrote poetry for years before I wrote novels, and my poems are mostly based on things that actually happened, so I suppose yes.
Mrs P would like to know if the plot shapes your characters or do your characters shape the plot? My characters DEFINITELY shape my plots – they have minds of their own – I just follow them. I’m sometimes quite surprised by what happens.
You said: 'I don't quite see my writing as coming from a man with a beard up in the clouds, but I do acknowledge that the greater part of my work is beyond my conscious control. My characters and my stories come from deep inside me.'How much did you aim at a specific market when you were writing 'The Letters'... or did you just write the novel and worry about the market later? On a scale of one to ten, with ten as writing with a specific market in mind, I’d say I am about a minus one. I am thinking of the reader when I do my revisions – does this sentence make sense? Will my readers understand what my character is saying here? But the actual characters and their journeys aren’t very consciously plotted. For me, it’s always been more important to write the books I want to write than it has been to get published, although I’ve always wanted both! I’m very lucky to be having my cake and eating it.
What was going on in your life as you were writing 'The Letters'? How did you find a life/writing balance? I’ve gradually arranged my life over the years so my ‘day job’ is in the afternoons and evenings which leaves me the mornings to write. Even so, I’m very good at avoiding the writing! The first draft is the most difficult for me, so I try and write little and often.
Jayne Walter would like to know: What, if any, writing 'rituals' do you have? I light a tea-light before I start writing, and blow it out when I’m finished for the day. The holder was given to me by my friend Esther Morgan, who is a marvellous poet and an important writing colleague to me – lighting the candle means I’m not quite alone. You published your first poetry collection in 'Living Things' in 2007, do you prefer writing novels to poetry? I like both in different ways – it’s good to become immersed in the long term project of a novel, but it’s also satisfying to spend a few weeks on a poem and get it finished.
Do you enjoy giving readings, do you get nervous and do you find that giving readings is essential to the process of promoting a book? I don’t get too nervous unless I let myself – I try and pretend beforehand that there’s nothing to be nervous of and that usually works. I love reading – I haven’t done any readings from my novels yet, but am looking forward to any opportunities that might arise.
Duncan A would like to know: When writing 'The Letters' was it as difficult to write the last word as it was to write the first word? As difficult, and as satisfying!
What's next for Fiona? I’m currently working on a novel about a boy who visits Amsterdam, and I’m also looking forward to my next two novels coming out with Snowbooks – The Blue Handbag in August, and Thaw in Feb next year.
I'm so pleased. I had a go at holding Razer on thursday. He wiggled at first and had a bit of a squeek but he settled down after a while and I was stroking the spines on his back. So I'm hopeing he will get used to being handled. I'm also hopeing Dilly will follow his example and stop running away from me.
Work is going slow and I have to teach myself powerpoint so I can give a presentation on wednesday. I know powerpoint is not exactly the hight of complexity but I havn't used it sinse school so it's not going so well.
Fiona Robyn is coming to my blog tomorrow so I'm going to post it today because I've just bought a 12 pack of WKD and a bottle of ruby port - Cheeky V's all the way! So when I get up in the morning - it might not be morning anymore- it may be closer to late afternoon. But I haven't been out for WEEKS so I'm taking a day off.
Also, one last final thought. I think I am truely addicted to Lychee juice.
No, i've not invented some strange household object with an amusing name...... (futurama joke)
James passed his bike test!!!! WOOP WOOP!!
I'm so proud of him especially considering what happened the first time (nasty nasty moody examiner). Now he can ride his new bike (vfr 400) without worrying about getting nabbed by a bobby.
I'm still struggling with my critical essay and I'm very miffed that Jeremy Dronfield doesn't have a website or anything. I wanted to contact him and ask him questions and tell him how much I enjoyed his book and how much it has helped me with my own writing. But he will never know because he doesn't have a website with an email or anything!!! I would write to the publisher and ask them to pass it on but the essay is due wednesday so there isn't really much point in rushing to do it now. I might just send him a nice letter later in the year - when the dissertation and various other stresses are over with.
Time is wizzing by as usual and I'm getting a bit worried about all the work I still have left to do. I'm writing speed is slow at best. :S But, i'm determind to get it all done and do well .... so ner.
As you can tell by the title I'm not exactly on top form. Woke up with a cold on Saturday and it was downhill from there. Nothing has got done bar my journals and I managed to write one story - badly. lol Here is homer to illustrate how I feel my brain looks.
I had some excellent news today. Dilly was spotted lying next to Razer. How cute. It's love. And I managed to nab a little pic of her hiding behind the water bowl.
I'd just like to say I'm really pleased to be part of Fiona Robyn's blog tour, I'll be posting an interview with her on the 8th March. And here you can find her blog Planting Words.
I have a essay to be getting on with ready for next week, so I'll cut this short. I'ts been suggested by the BF's Mam that I should give up chocolate for lent. I say sod that. I can maybe strech to giving up ice-cream.
It really feels like the world is running away from me and I'm still stood at the crossroads looking pensive, pointing west and saying 'wouldn't it have been better to go that way?'
The application for the teacher training course has been submitted. I'm so greatful to my lecturer for rushing my reference - he is fab. The only thing now is - it's happening, the next thing is the interview (which I''m pooping myself about). I've got the finance forms sprawled out on my bed looking all wanting but they aint getting any tonight.
I have so much work to do my brain feels like its going to implode. I'm still plodding on with 'The Art of being dead' I'm not plodding because it's pants - far from it, I'm just burnt out by the time I get to reading in bed. I've got a critcal essay on 'The Alchemist's Apprentice' to write, a Dissertation to finish, about 5,000 words of short stories to do, a presentation to prepare, a poetry collection to finish and a boyfriend to keep happy.
I have a female Red-Eyed Crocodile skink! She was purchased sunday and arrived from KENT on tuesday morning in a box - she looked rather miffed to say the least. She is going to be Razor's girlfriend and they are going to fall in love and have babies and make me lots of money. Here is Razor:
It has rather been a while hasn't it? I've been a busy little bee you see. I've had no end of work to do for Uni - I've read a book (I'm rather a slow reader so it's a huge achievment) And I have decided on my career - I'm going to teach creative writing at Further Education level. I never thought I could do it now. Didn't cross my mind - I thought 'that would be so cool, maybe in a few years' and now the wheels are in motion and as long as I get on the PGCE I'll be doing it next year. Eeeeeeeeek.
Everyone keeps saying it's perfect for me - that I'm so suited to it and I'll be great - But am I? Can I really do this, I've been a student for so long, can I really be on the other side of the bar serving the drinks instead of sitting over here, getting drunk?
I was in a bit of a tizz this morn. I wanted to go to Uni because for once in my life I actually read the work in prep for the class. BUT, snow is on the way, admittedly, not so bad that I couldn't set out but my parents were worried I would never get back. So I stayed home. At least I have a chance to do some more homework.
I did the typical thing again yesterday - I made a list of just five things to do. And they still didn't all get done. So I'm not making a list today to save myself the dissaponitment and mental anguish. Playing it by ear.
I got that story done in the end and sent it off to Honno - but I don't think anything will come of it, I rushed it and I didn't think it thorugh enough. Never mind, at least I had a go. Hopefully I'll realise in plenty of time when the next call for submissions comes around.
anyway - I'm going to go and finish reading Dronfield's Alchemist's Apprentice so I can start the sodding review of it.
Yet again I should be doing something and I'm not. What is wrong with me???? I really want to do it. It's important. It's open on my desktop vertually and is in physical form next to me, yet I'm still nosing at facebook and blogger!?!
Right, I'm disconnecting the internet until it's done! So there.
Ok people.... big week this week. I'm going to submit a story to a publisher for a short story anthology for the first time. Dun Dun DUN!
Well, I will - when I've finished it. Had a good meeting with my tutor today, he's helped me loads so hopefully it should be half decent. The only problem is it needs to be there by Saturday, which means I definately needs to get my skates on (hopefully not Todd Carty's ....he he....so funny!).
So wish me luck. I'm not stressing over it too much because it can still go in one of my folders in Uni, so it isn't a total waste of time if I don't get it done in time or it completely bombs.
Blogging seems soooooo much harder when you have so many other things to do. I no longer have time to procrastinate! I literealy havn't stopped. Whats the world coming to? Fatty's Blog is going well, I showed it to my tutor today and he gave rather possitive feedback - he would like a first draft by Monday! :S
I've changed my mind for the critcal review. I'm going to do it on Jeremy Dronfield's 'The Alchemist's Apprentice'. I'm quite excited about it because I'm only on page 93 and I'm already messed in the head trying to work it out. It's exactly the same feeling I had while watching '7 Pounds' - the new Will Smith film. Something between 'wow, this is complicated' and 'What the hell is going on!'
I think I'm on top of things, it's just they keep moving so fast that it could be deceiving. I'm doing my poetry quietly - still not the progress I would like but at least it's getting done - if a little slowly. I'm a quater of a way through the story I want for my Dissertation and Myth and Narrative is pretty much looking after itself. (Had the result for my essay back today - rather disapointed but still a good mark)
So, Yeah, All go on the bus as mother would say. Lx
Ok. I've taken the 'making a fake blog idea' and applied it, not to my dissertation, but to another story that I'm working on. It's meant to focus on body image and she is just a normal young woman talking about her weight problems and how she is trying to overcome them. I'm hoping that putting it in the form of a blog will make the story interesting - focus it on her voice - and also keep me motivated as I have a short time frame to write it in. I'll try and add to it every-other day. So feel free to drop in and give 'Fatty' some encouragement . lol. Lx
I'd like to say thankyou very much to Judith for an award she gave me on her blog.
Here are the rules: 1) Put the logo on your blog 2) Add the link of the blogger who shared the award with you 3) Pass this award to bloggers whose blogs you love 4) Add your link to the list of participants below 5) Leave a message on the blog of the blogger who passed this award
Ok. Brain wave - need help. For my dissertation I'm doing a story about a girl who was 100% sure she was pregnant, but went to the doctor and was told she was not. She lives her life happily for a few months falls in love falls off the wagon and then drops a sprog in the middle of ASDA. I'm having problems with her voice. I've changed it from 1st person to 2nd person and back again but I can't seem to work out what is bugging me. So what do people think of mixing the two. I'm thinking slightly biased but ultimately omnipresent 2nd person narrator punctuated with entries from her BLOG so that I can develope her voice but also keep the narrator (a very sarky and biased voice) who knows more than her but doesn't let it all on. The other thought is - should I actually make a Blog for her? step into her character and really get into her head? and then include screen shots in the story..... or am I going too far for a 10,000 word story? What do we think? I would be greatful for any input.
I'm currently sat on James' bed pretending to do some work while he sits at the computer fretting over his. I just read the brief of what he has to do and I have to say whoever wrote his course needs a good slap around the face. It seems like they keep moving the goal posts for him. The brief for this latest assingment is fine until about halfway down the page - where the 'reflective journal' he should write turns into a 'research paper'. Nothing is clear - not even the wordcount!
I feel so bad for him but I can't do anything to help him because I know nothing about Computer Games Development and Artificial Intelligence. What can I go?
And while all this is happening there is a box of crickets cirping in the corner which makes it sound like we are sat in the middle of the jungle trying to do our Uni work.
Because I'm ill and I can't go to school - I can't return my library books! So now I have fines! I'm mortified. I can't renew them because someone has reserved them but I have a feeling they don't need them anymore because they were for an essay we had before xmas. *Miffed*.
I wan't to go back to Uni, I've got so much work to do but I know the walk from the car park (miles away) to my lecture rooms and library would kill me right now. Mam opened the door earlier to let the cat in and the cold air set me off on a 15min coughing fit.
I wrote a poem! yay! It's very different from my normal attempts so I'm keen to see how it goes down. I'm feeling a lot better about my work now, I feel slightly more motivated and ever so slightly more productive. So now I'm going to go and do some work...... yay! Lx
He he, not really, I won't bore with it anymore. I'm on the mend now. One thing it's allowed me to do is watch more telly. I never get to watch telly. Maybe Emmerdale and Heroes (when I remember). I'm really loving 'Anne Frank' on the beeb. And Hustle is back! glad I caught that last night. Bit miffed I spotted the twist, not straight away mind but her dark brown wig was a givaway and the fact her money was in £20's.
I've not done a huge amount of work this week. My brain just wont work properly - so I'm getting some reading done instead. I know I have to do a critical review as part of my Dissertation so I've been looking at what I have thats new-ish and I think I've settled on 'The Book Theif' by Markus Zusak. I havn't finnished it yet - but I can see the style it is written in would make a good central argument of a critical paper. - so nobody spoil it for me.
I'm going to drag myself away from my laptop now then. Lx
I have had an awful couple of days. I have Flu and in an effort to stay away from my dad (beacuse he is on oxygen 12 hours a day and if got it i don't know how he would cope) I went to stay over James' house. but that all went wrong and I couldn't relax and I got worse so I'm home today confined to my bedroom.
Now that the moaning is over: I just watched the first episode of 'The Diary of Anne Frank' on iplayer today and the first thing that struck me was 'OMG the set is exacly as it should be.' I went to Anne Frank's house when I went to University in Holland at easter. The moment when you round the corner and see a bookcase proped open made me catch my breath. You have to squeeze through the gap. Funny thing is it's almost as I imagined when reading her diary. In the living room I ran my fingers down the knife marks on the sideboard next to the sink. Edith chopped veg here. They have done an awsome job with the set and the street scenes. The way it is acted is very interesting and from what I remember from the old dramatisation - this version seems to be more, I don't know, real? The way Mr and Mrs Van Daan are screaming at each other one day and pinching bottoms the next.
Hope it will be a good series. Lx
P.s I've written nothing - my brain is being invaded by little flu minions - head gits with little pick axes.
...I'm feeling a little better about the writing thing. Since my last post I've only managed about 300 words - but- Thats way more than I've written over the holidays and it gave me a chance to pull everything out, find all my drafts (because you loose marks if you don't include them) and plan the entire story. I've got a few things I need to find out but I'll ring my auntie for that. I need info on premature babies and she's a midwify person on a premature baby ward - so I think I picked a good topic. lol.
Also, I have completed my first poem! well, it can still be changed but I'm happy with it. Not brilliant considering I want about 20 poems by the end of march - but it's a start. Thats how I'm going to look at it. At least I've done some of it. There are some people on my course that haven't even put pen to paper yet and have about 12 weeks and a bit to write 10,000 words. At least I'm planned and started.
Right, I'm going to go and read, because I also have to do a critical essay on a contemporary work of fiction. Night night.
I've been reading a lot of blogs that are done by writers and they all talk about writing 80,000 words and 100,000 words and I've finnished this novel and i've done this story, and this article. On the one hand it's inspiring - I want to do these things. I want to be able to write 1000 words a day - preferrably for my Dissertation and other writing classes.
But on the other hand it's reminding me of how crap I actually am at this. Am I dreaming about something that I will never achieve? I barely write 100 words in a week let alone 1000 a day. I'm crap. I'm not motivated enough, I always seem to find something better to do with my time i.e. writing on a blog hardly anyone reads. I suppose this time it has a purpose because after writing this I'll spend 10mins looking at my work, I may even print it off so that it's tangible and physical and it might make me feel a bit better about what I've done and motivate me to write more than my usual meager offering. But it I know it wont last, I'll get bored, I'll find something slightly interesting on telly or I'll wander back to facebook when I know I should be sat here doing what I want to do for the rest of my life. If I want it so bad, why can't I just DO it??
Grrrrrr. I'm angry at myself. I'm going to go and write something useful now, even if it kills me!