I can solve all your problems

with a simple remedy of my own making.

Just sip this Nepenthe three times a day with meals

and over time the square patches left behind

by pictures will be covered by dark

oppressive modern wallpaper.

The pink towels stacked neatly in the cupboard

will turn a Bachelor shade of grey.

The ornamental vase that holds the gas key

and the radiator bleeding key

will better serve some charity shop.

The faint sweet smell in the air

will fade

and you'll wake up one day

in the centre of your own bed.